Wrestling with a Greased Pig

The pig’s enjoying it!

When my wife and I were building our house I made a friend of the building inspector and he went out of his way to make sure the subcontractors did a good job.  Mostly he liked to talk and I took the time to listen.

One day he was describing a conflict he was having with a particular craftsman on a job and the craftsman was in his face.  He said:  “Arguing with me is like wrestling with a greased pig.  At some point you start to understand that the pig is enjoying it.”

Stuart Diamond wrote this in his book Getting More regarding the human connection:

“Focusing on the people will get you much more.  Even in a transactional situation, people are five times as likely to help you if you treat them as individuals.  The numbers are staggering: 90 percent versus about 15 percent willing to help.

Even if you don’t know them, or you dislike them, making a human connection will usually get them to help you meet your goals.  This is true with the bored bureaucrat at the government office, the curt service representative with the phone company, or the leader of a disagreeable nation.

What you don’t want to do is blame such people for being ornery or hateful.  Blaming them will just bring you further from your goals.  Being nice to them will bring you closer to your goals.

Aliza Zaida had a center seat on a five-hour flight on US Airways from San Francisco to Philadelphia.  And all they had left were center seats.  People were grumbling to the gate agent about this.  When she got to the podium, Aliza noticed that the gate agent had been fielding all these complaints with a cough, and didn’t appear to be felling well.

Aliza had an extra bottle of water, which she offered to the gate agent along with cough drops and condolences.  These were gratefully accepted.  It wasn’t a manipulative thing: Aliza, now a Pittsburgh consultant, is like that.  ‘I would have done it anyway,’ she said.

Aliza asked respectfully if the gate agent might consider her for an aisle seat if one opened up.  No pressure, not complaints.  She left her ticket with the gate agent and sat down.  In a few minutes the gate agent called her name.  ‘She gave me an exit-row aisle seat, which had more room,’ Aliza said.  ‘She also gave me a free meal.  She didn’t want me to sleep on an empty stomach, I thanked her again and she gave me headsets in case I wanted to watch the movie.  Kindness counts.’

You might say, if everyone did this, the negotiation tool would become ineffective.  Or, it seems manipulative.  Maybe, but everyone won’t do this.  Most people will just complain and think of themselves, not the other person.  Besides, too many people being nice isn’t a bad problem to have.  I’d like to live in that world.  Wouldn’t you?”

Occasionally, at a restaurant you will see someone giving a waiter a really hard time.  I always wonder what they are accomplishing because there are polite ways to get what we want (much better ways).

Also, I always wonder if that person’s food gets spit on or worse back in the kitchen.

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